"I hope they don’t call me on a mission…"

My younger brother Steve is leaving on his mission to Paraguay on March 28^th. As kind of a last hurrah, he and a friend from across the street named Justin, went to San Diego for a concert and to go to the beach for the day, and drive right back. Justin took his younger brother and his friend whose name is Dustin. Dustin just completed serving a mission to the same exact mission where my brother will serve. Steven was excited by this because he thought he could learn some about the mission, the area, the people, and get some preparation tips from this Dustin kid. When they returned home, Steven told us that this kid only told him all the horror stories from his mission throughout the course of the short trip. He didn’t tell him any good experiences, any inspiring stories, or give any good advice as to how Steve could better prepare. One of the horror stories, for example, was about how he and his “companion came home to their apartment to find that there were two Paraguayan men burglarizing their apartment, and they held the captive at knife point, bound them with their ties, threw them in a closet, and stole all of their belongings.” Let me first preface my opinion about this kid, and his so called mission experiences by clearly stating that I know that missions are rough, and that bad things can and do happen to missionaries all the time. I don’t deny that one bit. That being said, I question the validity of this kid’s story. For one, that would be considered a pretty serious crime and I would think that it id rather likely that it would have been reported on the news to even a small extent. Second, that type of crime could happen in any country and any city. It isn’t that significant. That could happen here in Utah! There is no correlation between that scary situation, and the fact that it took place in Paraguay. Thus, this kid trying to insinuate that Steven should be scared about going there because he might be tied up, thrown in a closet and then all of his belongings stolen, is ludicrous! Sure it could happen but that is not the point. Return missionaries have a special responsibility to inspire, prepare, advise, and encourage young men that are getting ready to leave on missions. It sounds more to me that this Dustin kid apparently just didn’t have any really neat, spiritual missionary experiences that he could share so to impress people has to tell about all the really bad things that happened to him. As I think about it, if my mission president found out I was going around telling eminent missionaries about all the bad things that happen to missionaries and all the scary things they go through instead of all the amazing experiences, he would want to kill me. He would be furious! Moreover, I’m furious that the moron would do anything to discourage anyone from going on a mission, especially my little brother. So what is the take home message here? For return missionaries, if you feel like you have to share any missionary experiences, they had better be uplifting and inspiring. Otherwise, shut your mouth, keep it to yourself, or if you must, you can dispense it during ‘return missionary war-story exchange time.’ When comes to talking to young men getting ready to leave on their missions, I’m pretty sure the Lord has some severely harsh feelings towards anyone that might be a cause of fear or reservations being instilled in a young man getting ready for a mission! Keep that in mind. I would submit that there are eternal consequences for those types of actions. And finally, to Dustin you poor insecure child. To you I say, I’m sorry that your mission was so unfulfilling, and that you didn’t have the normal incredibly spiritual experiences that good, obedient, and hard working missionaries have. But we don’t want to hear about your insecurity. And for future reference, don’t you ever, and I mean EVER, sit and tell horror stories from what you call ‘service’ during your mission to any missionary in preparation. We don’t care that you were a terrible missionary and we don’t want to hear about the lack of your missionary service.

Exhibit A

Here is a prime example of a person who just did not take the important time to think before they speak… My wife and I went to the temple the other night has my brother was receiving his endowment. The temple experience was very nice, but that is not what this story is about. After the session got over Jessica was in the bathroom after changing out of her temple clothes and a woman that was in the same session we were in told her that she “looks so cute.” She asked a little bit about the pregnancy and then asked when Jess is due. Jess explained that she was due towards the end of June. The ignorant dofus then stated, “Wow, your really big for having that much longer to go!” Now lets examine the situation here. Pregnant women have such a variety of emotions anyway, and tend to be rather volatile without the assistance of some idiot calling them FAT! Second, they watch themselves getting bigger and bigger by the day and it is perfectly normal, but that doesn’t make getting bigger any easier, especially when a stranger insinuates that the woman is fat. Sure, there are times when a woman can get too big in pregnancy, and even be too thin. However, Jess is neither of those. The last appointment we had with the doctor, he told us as of now, we have a large baby and he said that is 100% normal and fine. Jess is already rather self conscious of her pregnant stomach sticking out! That comment was not solicited nor do any of us care about what she thinks, but most importantly this made Jess feel a little bad. All because this fool apparently doesn’t understand that (really condescending and belittling tone) “when da’ baby grow inside you, your tummy get bigger.” Amazing how that works huh? Anyway, what is the lesson that can be learned from this? Get a filter on that brain mouth thing! Also, maybe the dingy lady should go take some high-school anatomy classes, focusing on the human reproductive process, and more specifically, gestation. I know children between the age of 3 to 5 that understand that when a woman is with child, their tummy is larger because THE BABY IS INSIDE!!! Oh, and plus, those little kids often know IT ISN’T NICE TO CALL PEOPLE FAT! So, to that lady I say, “Miss, if you don’t mind, the rest of the world doesn’t care about what you think, or what you want to say so please shut your face. We only care that you take a few minutes to filter what you think, before you verbalize it, and possibly prevent such a foolish display of ignorance!”